I suppose you could argue that i am writing this entry from a place that has been filled with more chaos than art. I have visited the A and E Department twice in the past month, both being for situations I did not see coming and still cannot entirely explain. Luckily enough though, both these trips turned out not to be as dramatic as they could have been and i am well on my way to fully recovering from both instances.
Now would be a good time to tell you what caused the first part of the chaos, only because i am able to laugh at it now. (Mostly out of confusion and pure shock that it actually happened!) As I am sure most of you are aware by now, I have been going to the gym for almost 12 months and I am a stronger, more balanced, more connected to my body and generally happier. I could never have come this far without the support I have received, not only from my trainer, who i am incredibly grateful is now also my friend, but also the amazing group of people I have had the opportunity to meet and train with. Having said all of that though I was reminded of just how chaotic my condition can make me feel when I literally crashed quite dramatically onto the gym floor just after arriving for my session warm up. Ready for the backstory? It still makes very little sense to me but i actually find it quite entertaining now….so here we go. It’s pretty short and sweet really, I walked in, moved towards the stretch area and next thing I knew my legs had given way underneath me and I was on the floor having overstretched/popped a muscle/joint out in my leg. Sounds great right? It wasn’t. It hurt…a lot, but thankfully the joint popped immediately back into place. I have spent a while trying to describe what it is like for my brain to send messages to my legs and the only way i can think of is carrier pigeons… for people who are able bodied messages generally get sent from your brain to your bodies pretty quickly with little issue (I’m guessing anyway!). For me, it’s like carrier pigeons, a unique, if somewhat slower experience and unfortunately the messages I need don’t always end up where I need them to, when I ideally need them to. See what I mean? Absolute chaos!
Anyway, I was out of action gym wise for a good week and a half after that and the Orthopaedic Surgeon I saw (he was great) helpfully suggested I try not to do that again…annoying but a fair assessment of the situation I suppose and one piece of advice I planned to try and stick to. For the week after the fall I spent A LOT of time stretching, and i guess this where the first bit of Art came in – my leg still hurt, there was no escaping that, but the stretches helped me to remember how far my body had come, how much I able to push through and how much flexibility and ability I had gained just by giving my body chance to try. The break from heavy gym let me sit with the fact and feeling that my cerebral palsy will sometimes just give me gentle reminders that it is still walking alongside me. Naturally, the falls will be somewhat dramatic, sometimes painful and lead to a longer recovery but it is okay I am not just my condition, I am made of so much more magic, art and joy. The recovery makes the art of comeback and rebuild better every time!
Ready for more fall related Art? I hope so, because it is coming your way now! This time, it is in the form of a long held dream of a trip to Disneyland Paris! (I have been before apparently, but was pretty young so i don’t really remember… Anyway, i was due to travel with my parents about a week after the initial fall in the gym and my leg was still in a bit of pain and seeing as walking is a challenge in “normal” circumstances, I was not sure how it was going to go. Fast forward roughly 48 hours and as well as having eaten Mickey Mouse Shaped pastries, watched a Frozen Musical Show, gone on lots of rides and watched an awesome light/fireworks show at the Disney Castle; I had managed to walk over 30 km without falling over once! (WIN!). It was also very clear to me that my balance, strength, pain management and stamina were the best they have ever been and I was so proud! See, i told you, seeing Art is always possible, I was just lucky to be in such a magical place in the time that I found it!
Now, I am writing this next chaotic story from a very recent viewpoint, given that I am still in the middle of recovering from it. I was once again in the A and E Department last Sunday due to the fact that i was having stomach pains and nausea..(I spend quite a bit of time at the hospital with my job and am half convinced some of the staff know who i am…) So, when I was being assessed by one of the doctors, he asked if i often found myself to be stressed, it for some reason perplexed me, because even though I knew the answer was yes, i could not remember the last time someone (outside of my immediate family and friends) had taken the time to ask me how I was feeling. As it turned out though, the issues I was having were, according to the doctor, most likely caused by stress. Reflecting on it now, because work is so quiet at the moment, i sometimes forget just how chaotic my day to day life can be. I spent a good 48 hours after the hospital visit resting and just eating plain pasta…it was all i could manage at the time.
Luckily for me, recovering from this introduced me to a kind of art that I had forgotten existed. The art of doing absolutely nothing. Honestly, I have never been very good at that, my brain is always going at a million miles an hour and i feel guilty if i’m not doing anything, BUT, taking time for myself, lying on the sofa, watching endless episodes of 24 hours in A&E and 999: On the Front-line was great for me because it gave my body the time in needed to truly recover. Not just enough, but completely. I slept better than I had done in weeks and felt fully able to decompress and reset.
Thankfully, i am doing a lot better than i was a week ago, i am back at work, eating normally and if i keep taking the medication as i should things will be fine. As you can probably tell, it has been a tricky (chaotic) few weeks for me! It has however, shown me that you can always find time to appreciate the magic and the art, stars are always going to be in the sky.
Keep living in amongst your chaos and art my darlings.
All the love,
Lucy đŸ™‚
Cerebral Palsy and me - Life through Lucy's eyes 