Tag: Mental Health

The Power of human connection: Learning to heal, love and find joy again.

I have been finding it particularly difficult figuring out how I was going to start this blog post. Not only because it has been a minute since I have written anything down, but also because it has been an incredibly difficult few weeks; that I am only now starting to come out of and recover from. Even as I sit here with you now – writing, I am not really sure where this piece will end up, but i am hopeful that, with the help of the Disney piano music currently in my earphones, I can give you an idea of where I am at, where I have been, whilst also giving myself the chance to reflect and process the journey that the past month has taken me on.

I am not writing this entry from the easiest nor most comfortable of spaces, which if you have read some of these in the past, i am sure is a phrase you have heard before. I can tell you though, that the challenges that I may allude to in this ramble, have taught me a lot about the power of human connection within the process of healing and rediscovering yourself.

So just a little bit of recent background, it’s the end of August and I am starting another year at the college I have spent nearly a decade of my life working at, but this time, after a lot a hard work and perseverance I am returning in the position of Deputy Head of House. Now before you ask, am I excited? Definitely. Am I nervous and anxious? God yes, new challenges ALWAYS scare the hell out of me, and this new role comes with responsibility. But, I get to go into a space and looking after supporting young people in the way I always have and I am so excited to discover all the new adventures this year will take me on.

Now as I am sure a lot of you will know and understand – working with young people can be challenging, rewarding and often bring with it – the entirely unexpected. If I have learned anything though – all we want for our students and young people is to see them thrive, learn, grow and find joy in their lives. So when that plan or those wishes, don’t always work out the way that you expect them to, it can really hurt. I can often hurt so much that it just doesn’t seem like there will be a way out. But, what have recently discovered, particularly in a job like mine, is that in the most difficult of times, because of the community we have and the relationships we build, there is a strength of human connection that is completely unique and individual, but still so strong.

I am writing this as I am just starting to find my way out of an incredibly difficult two weeks that will, I imagine take some time to make sense of. However, these two weeks have also shown me how much love, and support exists within my world and how lucky and grateful I am to know and love the people that I do. Because, even in my lowest moments of this period, the human connection still existed. People came together, reminded me, as much and as regularly I did them, that my feelings and experiences were valid, no matter how small. I saw the strength and resilience of so many of those whom I have the pleasure to work, but I also so saw and experienced a space of pure humanity – in which emotions were not only accepted, but respected and treated with love and care. It made feel proud to be a part of this special community – because even in the most challenging of times, we seem to find each other and make it through.

So much love exists within my wider world too, the support and love from my family, remains strong and ever constant, for this I am truly thankful.

I am also incredibly lucky and thankful to have the partner that I do now – he has seen me at some of my worst points and most difficult times, having chosen to stay every time. He has baked with me, cooked with me, played games (of the computer and console variety), taught me the joy of puzzling and taken me on so many adventures just because he could. There a level of love and deep routed connection in our partnership that I never expected to find, let alone feel i deserved, but I am so glad we found each other, because in accepting me fully, he has been restoring pieces of me that I thought I had lost so long ago.

So much has happened so quickly recently that there was stage that I was not sure if I would be able to bounce back fully. But the difficult times have shined a light on so much love and support that I now know I will be and am able to face the day again.

Take it from a girl who knows, a girl who was off anti depressants and is now back on them, a girl who has experienced many things in life. Whatever you are going through right now, I promise, there is a way to find the light again. There are no rules in the world of healing, but I believe that you will find joy again. Wherever you are at in your heart and mind right now, I am proud of you. You will make it through again.

Be kind to yourself, lean on those you love and take it one day a time.

All the love,

Lucy 🙂

I’m not always okay – and that is okay.

So here am again sitting in the space where I both work and try to live, as I write this we are coming to the end of Mental Health Awareness Week. Now I’m going to be frank, it has taken several days of conversations and out loud thoughts for me to even consider putting what I am feeling on paper (or on a blog but you get the point), I have decided however, that it is important that people hear my story so I am going to try and break it down.

I can’t say I knew a whole lot about mental health until recently but that is because I didn’t want to acknowledge that it was and still is a big part of the life that I am living. It’s Friday evening and I guess that if I looked at it hard enough you could argue that the challenges I faced as a kid led to mental health issues that I never noticed; I pride myself on being a person that works hard to achieve all I can despite my disability and I try to be positive but I won’t lie growing up with people making fun of and laughing at you because of something you can’t change was in no way a picnic.

I am 25 years old now and struggling with mental health is a very real and scary reality for me, I hate big groups of people, I always feel like they are looking at and judging me for the way that I move or carry out an activity, this sometimes makes me panic and stress – it can even turn something fun into something I just want to run away from. If you feel like this sometimes too it is okay, you don’t have to be completely together all the time.

I spend a lot of time in my own head, I tend to catastrophize and believe me I know how terrifying that can be because you start to think the worst of yourself and mentally tear yourself down. I have experienced this because I sometimes find that I beat myself up and I do not see myself as worthy because I have an additional need –trust me, even if you don’t feel it right now, you are worth it and all you have achieved is remarkable. There are days where all I can do is get out of bed, not see people or do anything productive but just use all my energy to get myself up and moving and that is okay. I have good days too so please do not think this is all doom and gloom, but I am just trying to be honest.

I like to think of myself as a hard worker, but there are days where I try to do everything because even after over 20 years of finding a way to function successfully I sometimes feel like I have to work twice as hard to prove that I am a valid member of the team and that I am worth the chance that was taken on me. The sensible and rational side of my personality knows that I am good at what I do and that am i am worthy but it is my self confidence that needs help. This is not something that can be fixed overnight but I am trying.

So I realise this piece has been me kind of rambling on (I struggled to put all this into words okay?!). But the point is that it is okay to talk about mental health because it is a reality that won’t just go away, sometimes you have to get out into the world somehow and face it.

I know what you might be thinking, “Lucy, it’s not always that simple” and you know what, you are probably right; but sometimes all you can do is take it a day at a time and do your best.

I have learned that self-care is a really important part of trying to keep myself in a positive frame of mind so I spend a lot of time with my headphones in listening to music and drinking endless cups of tea, I also spend time going for walks if I feel up to it as it gives me a chance to clear my head and try to find my own form of inner peace and simple joy, it’s not always easy but I have learned that you have got to make the best of the situation at the time.

 I am also incredibly thankful for the people I have in my life right now because they take some of the days I find the most difficult in their stride and are supportive, friendly and full of love/kindness. I do not know if they will ever understand just how much that means to me.

My last few bits of advice I can give you are these: if you feel that you need support please TALK about it, to a friend, family member or someone you trust. Don’t be ashamed to seek help, whether that’s therapy, medication an exercise routine (I had one of these and it actually worked out pretty well, I recommend it and want to get back on it) or a good moan/rant to someone, there will always be a way to make things better.

It took me a long time to believe this and I am still working on it but as a human being I am a pretty awesome individual and it is okay if things don’t go to plan all the time. YOU ARE NOT LESS OF A PERSON because of your struggle; it is just the way life goes sometimes.

Just keep being you and don’t let anyone knock your sparkle out because you matter too!

All the love,

Lucy J